I’ve read a few articles in the past on Imposter Syndrome and some of them really resonated with me (see I’m a phony. Are you? and The Weight of Impostor Syndrome). In fact, a Google search brings up a huge list of articles on this topic and it isn’t isolated to the software development industry.

I’ve worked with a lot of great people as a software developer and architect - technically brilliant coders, Microsoft MVP’s, book authors - and was, effectively, their technical lead. I always felt that maybe I wasn’t really doing a good enough job, I was just winging it. Why am I the lead, not them? I’d be found out eventually and that would be it. But another voice in my head would say, “don’t be a idiot, you have a lot of experience, many successful projects behind you and are valued by the company.” I’d eventually get over the doubt and move on.

The Inferiority Complex via Incidental Comics

Right now I’m in the process of enrolling as a doctoral research degree candidate. I’m also helping the research group I am a part of with a funding grant application that will help pay for the research I will be doing. In addition to that I’m collaborating with another research group in Germany on some other, related work. The people I work with and, in particular, the head of my research group have a lot of faith in me and are excited about the outcome of this research.

This all sounds very exciting on the surface, and you may be thinking that I’m really lucky, just get on with it. You’d be right, I am very lucky, and its one of the reasons I took this position. But, to be honest, I’m really feeling the pressure here. I don’t really have any previous research experience and in the next year I will be expected to produce two or more papers (peer-reviewed and published) and present at a conference. I think this is a good goal. The thing is, the more papers I read in my field of research, the less confidence I have in being able to produce new or innovative ideas. How can I provide any value over and above what these others can? They’ve been doing their research for years. I’m a noob.

I can’t tell if I have Imposter Syndrome, or in actual fact am an imposter.

I don’t know what the solution is here. Perhaps I need to have faith in my supervisors and colleagues to help review my work before it is sent for peer-review. Maybe I just need to have faith in myself. Time will tell, but I’ll be working my butt off trying to do it, and that is really all I can ask of myself.

I came across the comic above a few days ago and it inspired me to write this post. Please visit Incidental Comics and check out the other comics by Grant Snider.